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Episode 1: So Blocky, Yet So Cool
- Fart: The sun rises once more. I can finally build my rollercoaster! (Fart's first line in the series)
- Fart: They call me Fart. Fart Garfunkel. But you can call me Fart Garfunkel. Heh, heh, heh, heh!
- Fart: Duh duh duh dumm, etc. (humming HAL4/Danny)
- Fart: You know what this game needs? Motorcycles! Yirrrr!
- Fart: That's some good thinkin' bro, i'll go grab some cobblestone. (walks away doing motorcycle noises)
- Fart: (Finds a pig a few blocks away from N00bly and Snake and kills it with his shovel) Fart: Uhmnumnum "Good shit" num...
- Fart: Got some corn-on-the-cobblestone, heh, heh, heh, heh.
- Fart: Looks like we built ourselves a work of art, yeah.
Episode 2: Under A Creeping Moon
- Fart: Kch. West side clear. Check East side, Goose Seven. (Moving over to opposite wall) Kch. East side clear. Check South side, Eagle Dick Six. (Noobly: Uh, South side is secure Goose...One?) (Fart: Copy that. Good work soldier.)
- Snake: (To Noobly') Ever hear of a...Creepist? ('Fart: It's called a Creeper, bro) Creeper, whatever.
- Fart: (pretending to be a Creeper) Ssssss, heh, heh, got you good, bros. I got you- (gets hit with an arrow)
- Fart: (Upon being hit with an arrow) Ah god. Oh shit. I don't think im gonna make it bro...
- Fart: (While Snake puts pressure on the wound) Aw its too deep man, im dyin', everything's gettin' dark. Here, take my shit before it disappears.
- Fart: (Eats golden apple that N00bly fed him) It's time we take this fight (puts on shades) up a notch.
- Fart: Bow please. (Snake gives the bow to Fart and immediatly starts spamming the bow really fast) Oh yeah mother-hooahhh!
- Fart: (Lagging like crazy while a creeper walks closer to the house) I cant, im having connection problems...
- Fart: Ah, whale piss.
- Fart: Looks like this game (puts on shades) just got a whole lot creepier. (Snake takes away shades) Aw.
Episode 3: Cavern Chaos
- Fart: (holding his bucket) I has a bucket. Hell, yeah!
- Fart: (wearing the bucket on his head while examining N00bly's golden sword) Yeah, its gold it has to be...
- Fart: (Looking where Snake found a zombie spawner) OH SHIIIIIIIT!
- Fart: Be like Fart, get in a cart!
- Fart: Well, I'll be a hairless baby's left toe...we made it!
- Fart: Holy dick diamonds! Thanks!
- Noobly: (To Snake) What a whackjob. (Snake: You're telling me. You think we could trust him?) (Noobly: Well-) (Fart: Hell yeah!)
Episode 4: Good Grief
- Fart: What's shakin Kevin bacon?
- Fart: What the- (Tnt igniting) Oh god oh jesus!
- Fart: Son of a bitch!
- Fart: Wait, hang on, stop. Lemme get this straight...girls play Minecraft?
- Fart: You're not playing... Barbie baby maker?
- Fart: (When the female player hits Fart) Pssh, bet you're a lesbian.
- Fart: And Fart, heh heh heh.
Episode 5: Rebels with a Porkchop
- Fart: God damn griefers. I expect this kinda stuff in Call of Duty, but not in Minecraft. Not in my world. If this game only had sniper rifles. I'd shoot him in the face and then take his brain and give it a face and then shoot it in the face!
- Fart: (Singing) "We're off to get some diamonds, so we can kill Gaylord Steambath!
- Fart: (To Noobly) Hey dude, heh heh, hey dude, guess who I am. I'm batman, heh heh heh heh heh! (Noobly: Hey, you found a cave!) (Fart: The batcave, heh heh heh heh heh!)
- Fart: You just got shown, the cobblestone, heh heh heh.
- (Noobly: Okay, so we're stuck in here 'til sunrise. Did you find any good blocks?) Fart: Just some coal and cobblestone. This cave is pretty barren. But we got some motivation though- DIAMOOOOONNDSS- (breaks pickaxe) ...shit.
Episode 6: A Noob Hope
- Fart: Burn it with fire! Burn it with fire! (Gaylord taking the bucket and teleporting) No! He be stealin' mah bucket!
- Fart: Badass... (Noobly: Whoa!)
- Fart: (Hears monsters outside the cave they are hiding in) You got some kind of dirt shack or mobile home we can crash in? I don't want to get caught out in the dark with all those creepologists.
- Fart: Hell yeah! Beef jerky! (eats Rotten flesh, and vomits)
- Fart: (Constantly hitting Slime) Huh! Huh! He! Ugh! Huh! Yeah! Hell yeah! Yeah dick!
- Fart: I got a bad feeling about this. (Vomits)
Episode 7: The Valiant Venture
- Fart: Poop! I-I mean, Snake.
- Fart: (Jumping into End Portal with shades on) Leroy Jenkins!
- Fart: Huh, I feel like Gordon Freeman.
- Fart: Holy turtle penis!
- Fart: Well boys, looks like this (puts on shades), is the end.
Episode 8: Here be Dragons
- Snake: Alright, let's be real careful. We probably have to take this- (Fart destroys the Ender Crystal) (Fart: Oh jeez, hahaha-) (Snake: Damnit Fart, stop jumping the gun!) (Fart: Sorry man, I guess my plan (puts on shades), blew up in our faces.) (Gets punched by Snake)
- Fart: Come here, man! I don't wanna snipe ya, I just wanna shoot you in the brain a little bit! (Fires his last arrow) Aw, Henry Ford, i'm outta ammo! (Both Fart and Snake get mauled by dragon)
- Fart: (Noobly's golden sword expires) Hehehehehe, that's pretty funny! Hehehe- (Dragon chomps right next to him, which he then screams like a little girl)
- Fart: (After the dragon's defeat) Yeah! God Bless America!
- Fart: (Punches an enderman in the groin) Take that, sucka! Ho-ah!
- Fart: (After the team watches the credits) Woah dudes, that was totally pyschedelic. (Snake: I know, I sorta feel...enlightened.) (Fart: I'm awake now, and I am love.) (Snake: Did the game glitch or something?)
- Fart: (After thanking YoDa) Yeah, good job bro! Now let's go punch Gaylord in the dick!
Episode 9: The Village People
- Fart: (Singing) I'm just a small town noob, livin' in a blocky world!
- Fart: Ugh, I never noticed how cute you ugly little buggers are, heh.
- Fart: If you're a cute pig, make a snort sound! (Descartes snorts) If you're a cute pig, make a snort sound! (Descartes snorts again)
- Fart: Yeah, you know. The French philosopher and mathematician, René Descartes, who famously postulized "cogito ergo sum", which translates from latin into "I think, therefore i am". ('(Fart goes on for a while on this tangent (Noobly: What?)') Stop it! (giggles) Stop it! (Fart is being nuzzled by Descartes).
Episode 10: Storm's a'brewin
- (While riding Descartes) Beep beep! Move! Get outta the road dumbass!
- Fart: Looks like it's time chew porkchops and kick ass (puts on shades) and I'm all out of porkchops. (gets hit with an arrow) Oooooohhhhh!
Episode 11: Dusk till Dawn
- Fart: All right! Time to get all bad dad at shit!
- Fart: Attack Badder Delta! Go now! *repeats*
- Fart: Yeaaaaahah! Yeah! Come on!
- Fart: *repeats* Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!
- Fart: Good job Descartes! Keep going-Woah!
- Fart: Woah! Too close! Be more careful my little porky!
- Fart: Looks like you and I, have a bone to pick!
- Fart: Oh no I gotta take cover!
- Fart: Noooo! Nooooooooooooooooo!
- Fart: Oh god! Come on! That was terrible!
- Fart: Not doin' good man!
- Fart: He's dead! Stop livin' in the past! What do we do? What do we do?
- Fart: Hahahahaha! Looks like his nose, man!
- Fart: Yeah, they're so nice! You cant piss on hospitality, I wont allow it!
- Fart: Woah! What the tamberine testicles is that?
- Fart: Burn baby burn! Live freedom yeah!
- Fart: Thanks for helping me out there partner! I'm gonna miss you! For now on, I'm 100% viant! Never gonna eat meat again, because of you Descartes! Take care of yourself now! Actually just porkchops, I wont eat porkchops. Okay, bye...
- Fart: Wow! You two had a kid already? Your pregnancies are fast! Aren't you a cute little (?)